


Don't Go Where I Can't Follow

by Jentrevellan



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-18
Updated: 2009-06-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 06:59:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8318317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jentrevellan/pseuds/Jentrevellan
Summary: FMA chapter 94/Brotherhood episode 54 spoilers - What if, as Riza held the gun to Roy's head to make him see sense, that she had, infact shot him? Rated M for character deaths, violence and upsetting themes.





	

Her eyes were set straight and her jaw was tight and her lips in a thin line. She stared at the horizon before here, where thick fir trees lined the open field as they guarded the edge disallowing unwelcome onlookers. The sky was a gloomy grey and the air was cold. A strand of blonde hair escaped from her tight clip and flicked into her eyes. Raising a white gloved hand she impatiently pulled it back into her clip, and smoothed her hand over her head, making sure no other strands would escape.

Riza Hawkeye tugged her black sash that hung on desperately to her uniform as the wind blew harder and heard the approaching footsteps of the other soldiers and onlookers; their pace slow as her sharp ears heard their heavy steps on the hard grass. She turned and stepped out of the way as the main procession carrying the coffin approached the perfectly dug whole in the ground where she stood.

She saluted the men and one woman who glanced at her, and then they laid the coffin next to the whole. The men straightened and each saluted the woman. She took in each of their appearances: Heymans Breda was huffing slightly after carrying the coffin, yet he restrained it well as he tried to compose his face, slightly stricken with grief. Kain Furey pushed his glasses up his nose slightly has he blinked several times whilst he glanced at the coffin that lay on the ground, the strands of grass gently touching the dark wooden box. A woman who had been carrying the coffin coughed slightly and placed a reassuring hand on the hilt of her sword that hung around her hips. Olivia Armstrong's long blonde hair whipped around her as the wind picked up. Her eyes narrowed as her brother Alex, who had also been carrying the coffin, placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off and stood to the side as the rest of the crowd gathered, each clad in the traditional black.

Riza's eyes fell on the young man who and just stood up after laying the coffin down. He was in a military uniform and wore a black sash like the rest of them. His blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail on the base of his neck. It flew around him, as did his golden bangs as a frown crossed his face. He stood up, and glanced at Riza. His glare was intense that she felt those amber eyes see right into her soul. She broke the connection and looked down at her jet black shoes, until she felt his gaze move as he walked away.

The processions started as a military priest read out the trivial and required lines that were required in a military funeral in a monotonous voice. His voice and reading blended in with the harsh wind that was becoming stronger. Her eyes lifted to the crowd that surrounded the grave as the same soldiers who had carried the coffin, stepped forward once again to hoist the coffin into the ground. Edward Elric moved between the crowd, reluctantly letting go of another hand in his own. He approached and refused to look at any faces, but instead tugged at his collar and selected a pull rope that had his back turned to Riza. Her eyes searched the back of his head as he murmured a few words to Olivia who was standing stiffly next to him. Riza heard a sharp intake of breath as Olivia's head twitched slightly as she absorbed what Edward had just mumbled to her.  
The coffin was lowered, the crowd in deep silence. There was not one whimper from the crowd, but silent tears ran down the faces of many who stood there. Riza shifted as she glanced at the nearest gravestone next to her ...Maes Hughes...

Her eyes widened as they finally fell on the gravestone towering over the lowering coffin. She choked slightly and raised a hand to her mouth, feeling herself retch slightly. Edward straightened up and turned to look at her, his eyes dark yet clouded yet confused. She pulled away from the thick ground and began to run as the heavens finally opened, the cool rain attacking her face and stinging her eyes.

A man in a wheelchair and a dark-haired woman approached the congregation,  
and Riza nearly ran into them. She avoided them and felt her legs carry her away, even though her movement was restricted in the knee-length military skirt.

The woman with long dark hair that pushed the wheelchair called out. "Riza? Are you alright? Riza!"

She carried on running and out of the field where numerous other fallen comrades rested. The terrors of Ishbal flashed in front of her. They became blurred images of grey that blended into the darkening sky as her legs continued to carry her forwards. She was in the streets of Central before she knew it and her heeled feet splashed into the emerging puddles on the stone pavements. The freezing water wrapped round her ankles and she ran down an alley street. She panted her chest stinging with the cold air. She ripped off the black sash around her and threw it to the cobbled floor. She leaned against the wall and slowly slid down, pulling her heels off and throwing them aside as she did. The alleyway was dark, yet it still caught the hard rain as the water from above did nothing to avoid her. Although her clothes were being to get wet and the damp soak through to her skin, she ignored it and stared at the black sash on the ground.

_Bags lay deep under his eyes as he stared down at the ugly creature beneath his boot. He tugged at each of his gloves and had his back turned to her and spoke in a low voice that made her shiver._

_"I understand why you were called 'Envy'", he hissed. "Envy is truly an ugly emotion." He raised a gloved hand in front of his face, his emotions in uncontrolled antagonism._

_She stood up quickly, gasping for air as she did. She found her revolver in the strap by her boot and approached silently. The next words rang in her ears._

_"Now get the fuck out of my sight Envy!" he yelled as the squirming creature  
beneath his boot pleaded in a pathetic way._

_She clicked her gun and aimed. His dark head lifted slightly as he heard the click and his broad shoulders stiffened. The cold gun was aimed right at the back of his head and she knew that if she pulled that icy trigger, the bullet that issued would travel straight through his head and fall out on the other side on the bridge of his nose, directly in between his eyes._

_"What is the meaning of this Lieutenant?" he whispered darkly._

_Squinting slightly, her vision a little blurred from being nearly suffocated she replied in a rasping voice. "That's enough Colonel; I'll clean this up."_

_"...I don't need or want your help..." he replied, his anger about to burst._

_She refused, her grip firm._

_"...No goddamn you, now drop you gun!"_

_They said harsh things to each other until he said something that made her eyes widen. Her gun shook in her hand as she yelled her understanding to him yet pointed out his selfishness._

_"...Please Colonel, don't go where I can't follow you..." she whispered._

_"If you are going to shoot, shoot. What will you do after I am dead?" he asked._

_She gulped and tightened her grip on the gun. "I have no desire to live a happy carefree life all alone. After this battle is over, my body will leave this world together with the corpse of the Flame Alchemist-"  
He clicked his fingers and an explosion errupted next to him._

_She closed her eyes tight shut and pulled the trigger as the explosion made her jump._

_The bang echoed throughout the bricked corridor. The man in front of her fell to his knees with his back turned. She dropped the gun and ran to face him, her eyes wide and brimmed with shock tears. Hi eyes were wide open as they stared at her in shock, although she knew that they were focused elsewhere and were already starting to glaze over. A trickle of blood leaked out from the whole in his forehead, a stream of blood suddenly gushing down his nose and cheeks. His eyes rolled and he fell forwards, a retch of crimson blood issuing from his mouth as his head fell onto her lap._

_Through her bloody fingers, she clumsily pressed two fingers to his neck, desperately searching for a pulse. She thought she felt one but realised that she was wrong when she heard fast footsteps approach. She picked up a struggling Envy in her other hand and turned to see Edward and Scar approach._

The light faded from the alleyway and she felt the cold touch her skin tentatively. She sighed as she remembered his warm fiery blood on her fingers. She vaguely remembered Edward ask her what happened when she threw Envy at him and headed in the direction they had come from.

_"He strayed,"_ she whispered. She found herself whispering those words in the desolate alleyway.

She shivered and wearily stood up, relying on the wall to give her strength. She then headed down the alleyway and headed towards the centre of the city. Her bare feet graced the pavements lightly as the cold water rushed in-between her toes. She found that even though she was drenched from head to foot, her eyes remained bone dry, and her lips were slightly parched. No tears had escaped her since that night and even then they had been limited. She shook her head, suddenly finding herself breaking into a run again.

The large manor house was loosely guarded, so she wearily climbed over the wall easily, ripping her skirt at the front in between her legs so she could climb over the wall. She landed softly on the damp grass on the other side and took in her surroundings. According to her memory from when she was the Furher's secretary, the main garden was just through the juxtaposing archway next to where she stood. She walked through slowly, her eyes lowered and her steps slow and heavy.

The main garden to the Furher's old mansion was indeed large, although it felt smaller now as the rose bushes hadn't been trimmed and the grass had not been cut. She walked into the centre of the garden where a large swimming pool lay; the water slightly dirty due to no maintenance for a week.

She sat down on the edge and placed her cold feet into the swimming pool water that was collecting the rain. She sighed and looked into the pool; her fingers clinging onto the side.

Surely she had done the right thing? He had told her to place a bullet in his head if he ever strayed off his track. He had strayed...simple as that. She had tried to bring him back but he refused. She grimaced as the images recalled in her mind.  
"You were supposed to be Furher...lead this country and make it right, you fool," she whispered through her parched lips, her eyes tracing the strange light patterns on the surface of the water.

She longed to see him again, yet she feared it also. If they met in the afterlife; what would he say to her? Would he say anything, or would he acknowledge her bravery against his clouded judgement? Riza looked straight ahead and made her mind up.

She found a few rocks around the garden and stuffed them in her pockets. Then, with the golden chord from her uniform, she tied her feet together and placed a large stone in-between her feet. She sat a little longer on the side of the pool and then sudden dropped into the calm waters as the rain began to withhold.

She did not sink to the bottom, nor did she float right to the top. She hung in the freezing water that caressed her skin with her eyes open. The weak chlorine seeped into her eyes which made them sting, but she ignored it. In the water, she ripped a piece of cloth from her blouse and stuffed it in her mouth, already feeling her chest constricting. Ignoring her mind which told her to climb to the surface, she focused her thoughts on all of the people who she had killed and the people she had lost.

Her father...

Hughes...

Those defenceless Ishvalans...

She frowned as her thoughts reluctantly turned to the last person she would ever shoot.

She knew that this was not the easy way to do it. But water had always been his weak point. If she killed herself like this, then he would not be able to save her in this life, or in the afterlife. She deserved no privilege for what she had done and even though she would give anything to see that smirk on Roy Mustang's face again, she would not treat herself to that.

Her body reacted naturally and her lungs gasped for air, only being received by floods of water. The icy water entered her lungs quickly, and her neck tightened. Her nails began to tear at her own face in agony not only from the pain she was receiving from the water, but what the suffering she had caused and the emotional pain. Her chest burnt like fire and she stopped struggling, accepting her fate, her eyes turned upwards towards the dark black sky speckled with reluctant stars above the murky water – the rain ceasing to exist.

A small bubble, the last portion of air that had resided in her lungs, escaped from her slightly open mouth, the material falling out in the water. It rose quickly to the top and popped on the surface, perishing as it met with the air.


End file.
